TMI
by waywardkitty
Summary: JC. Belanna lets something slip in girltalk with the Captain. Embarrassment ensues.
1. Chapter 1

TMI (aka. To snip or not to snip)

"More coffee?" Kathryn asked.

"Sure, decaf," Belanna replied. She looked around an noticed that the mess hall was empty except for Neelix puttering around back in the kitchen. If you had told the engineer six years ago that she would be enjoying a girl's long lunch with the Captain, she would have laughed in your face before breaking a few bones. But so many things had changed. She was chief engineer on a Starfleet ship, married and four months pregnant.

"Thanks," Belanna said as Kathryn returned to the table.

"So have you decided on names yet?"

"Not even close. I'm just glad we're having a girl and don't have any other decisions to make."

Kathryn shot her a confused frown.

Belanna sighed, a little uncomfortable. "Tom and I had this huge fight about any boys we might theoretically have."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"We don't agree on circumcision." Kathryn raised her coffee cup to her mouth, in part to drink and in part to hide a smirk, and Belanna ranted on. "I don't see the point of snipping off anything you don't have to. If Tom could just admit that he'd want a son to be like him, I might respect that. But he makes these antiquated claims about it being more hygienic. It's ridiculous. I mean Chakotay's not circumcised and he..."

A spray of coffee blew of Kathryn's nose.

"Captain!" Belanna scrambled to hand her another napkin.

Kathryn mopped at her face in sheer mortification. Oh, Lord. Couldn't she just have a nice lunch with a girlfriend -- alright, Belanna wasn't really her girlfriend, but she was as close as it got out here -- without being reminded about her First Officer's masculinity. She couldn't say she'd never though about what he looked like naked, right down to the foreskin level of detail. But those were thoughts for lonely sleepless nights and hot baths. Thoughts that had no place outside her quarters or in the company of others.

Belanna wiped up the table and scurried off to the recycler with their cups. She was kicking herself for saying as much as she did. She wasn't even thinking how the Captain might take it.

Belanna knew Kathryn and Chakotay had some weird, unconsummated... thing for each other. She had accepted that it was what it was, and it wasn't going anywhere. She had even given up nudging them -- well, Chakotay -- to do something about it. Now here she was giving Kathryn details about Chakotay's penis. Kahless! She would probably have to explain how she knew.

Belanna returned to the table with a few more napkins. "Sorry about that. TMI. I wasn't thinking," she said remorsefully.

"No I'm sorry. God, my reaction was embarrassing. Not very Captainly."

"No, I'm embarrassed..." They drifted into an uncomfortable silence.

"Dare I ask?"

Belanna giggled nervously. "Well, let's just say privacy was a luxury in the Maquis."

"Ah..." More awkward silence ensued. "So, Belanna. Boxers or briefs?"

"Actually. None."

The two women dissolved into a fit of giggles. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chakotay walked along Voyager's corridors. First a stop in Astrometrics to check on Seven's progress scanning for M class planets, then a quick tour of engineering. It was one of Belanna's doctor-mandated days off, and he wanted to make things were running smoothly in her absence. It was hard enough for the doctor to convince her that she needed to start taking off at least one day a week. If things were a mess when she returned, she'd probably refuse to take another day until her water broke.

His stomach grumbled. He had missed lunch. There wasn't really time for a stop in the mess, but it was mid-afternoon and he probably couldn't make it to dinner.

He entered the mess and ducked into the kitchen. Neelix was in the back singing over a pot of... something. Chakotay quietly grabbed a sandwich out of the refrigeration unit, glad that the hairy little alien had the foresight to keep a stock of quick meals on hand. He was going to eat on the run until he noticed Belanna and the Captain in the far corner, giggling.

It wasn't often that you saw a Starfleet Captain giggle. So he decided to check it out.

"Ladies," he said, coming to stand at the end of the table. In unison, Belanna and Kathryn's heads turned toward him and two sets of eyes swept up his body. He shivered a bit under their gazes and his ears started to tingle. Why did they look like a couple of kids with caught with their hands in the cookie jar?

"well," said the Captain. "I must be going. Belanna, enjoy the rest of your day off." Her eyes glittered and she blushed a bit. "Commander, I'll see you later."

Chakotay watched her with suspicion as she walked off. Something was definitely up. There was a little extra swing in her hips, and an adorable blush across her cheeks. He looked back a Belanna, who was obviously trying to bite back a laugh. He set his plate on table and took Kathryn's seat.

"So what were you two talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Belanna."

"Really. Just baby names and childbirth stuff." She was toying with a balled up napkin.

Chakotay's hand shot across the table and grasped her wrist. "Torres!"

"Chakotay. It was girl talk. You really don't want to know."

He shot her a menacing glare. "Why don't you let me be the judge of that."

"I don't think the Captain..."

"Lieutenant, I order you to tell me what you were talking about." He was skating on thin ice here. If the Captain ordered Belanna to keep something confidential, his ploy wasn't going to work.

Belanna cringed at the tone of Chakotay's voice and the grip he had on her wrist. He knew her too well for her to attempt a lie. "No really, we were just talking about childbirth stuff and baby names and medical... baby stuff..." Belanna wiped theher brow with her free hand.

"You're sweating Torres. And?"

"And somehow we ended up on the topic of circumcision and I sort of mentioned that you... weren't."

The blood drained from Chakotay's face and he loosened his clutch on Belanna's arm -- no wonder since all the oxygen seemed to have left the room. His voice, once found, was little more than a hoarse whisper. "You did what?"

"Chak, I'm so sor---"

"What else did you tell her?"

"Um... you prefer to go commando?" she squeeked.

Chakotay released Belanna's wrist and he pulled nervously on his ear. It was bad enough that he hadn't been successful over the years at hiding his feelings for his commanding officer. Contrary to popular belief, he did try to maintain a little dignity. Oh, what Kathryn must be thinking about him. Oh, what Kathryn must be thinking about him and Belanna! "And just how does she think you came by this information? Did you cover that?"

"I told her we didn't have much privacy in the Maquis."

He sighed heavily. Well at least Kathryn wasn't left thinking that he and Belanna had had some torrid affair. "Torres...," he whined.

"I'm sorry Chak. I really am."

"All the giggling. You two thought this was all very funny?"

"No. It was more like uncomfortable giggling."

He shot her a withering look. "Yes, she looked very uncomfortable when she left," he said sarcastically. "'I'll see you later, Commander.'" he mocked.

"No really. It made her uncomfortable. She choked on her coffee so hard it blew out of her nose."

Chakotay blinked. "Really."

"It was impressive."

"I can imagine." His eyes drifted across the room and then back to Belanna. "Actually, I can't."

"A sight to behold."

Chakotay drew some small comfort from the fact that he wasn't the only one embarrassed by this fiasco. He sighed. "I need to get back to the bridge. Just where I want to be right now," he said with an eye roll. "Remind me why I keep you around again?"

Belanna ventured an innocent smile. "Because I'm your oldest, dearest friend and I can kick your ass."

"Right..."

End? 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Meant for this to be the last, but it refused to be resolved. I guess there will be more.

* * *

Chakotay bounced a bit on the balls of his feet as he waited for the turbo lift to reach the bridge. Damn, but he couldn't remember when he had ever been so nervous. It was juvenile. It was ridiculous.

"Computer, halt turbo lift."

He toyed with his earlobe as he paced the confined space.

What he needed was a good red alert to blast all personal issues out of both of their heads. But you can never count on a red alert when you really need one. That meant he'd have to have a plan. Never go into any situation without a plan.

He tried to assess the situation objectively. Unfortunately, it didn't look good. She knew things, intimate things, about him. He knew nothing comparable about her. It was like being halfway through a hand of Rigelian stud and knowing your opponent has at least three of a kind going against your whole lot of nothing.

Folding wasn't an option. Which left bluffing. He wasn't even sure what that would look like in this scenario.

Possible outcomes. Well, that was easy. At least she was predictable. Either she was going to freeze up and ignore him until they both forgot what the hell had set her off in the first place. Or, she was going to flirt and toy with him until her own humanity frightened her, then she'd freeze up and ignore him until they both forgot what the hell had set her off in the first place.

The ice age would last longer in the second scenario, but at least he'd have some fun with the real Kathryn before she frosted over. Oh, yeah. It had been a while since they had a good flirtfest. He found them strangely comforting. It was really the only time he got the sense that he affected her. Maybe that was the key -- to see how much he could affect her -- even if that meant revealing more about himself. After all, if he had his way, he'd have no secrets from her at all.

"Computer, resume."

His blood was thrumming by the time he reached the bridge. She was tapping something into her console and barely looked up as he took his seat. A moment after he sat, she popped up, turned the bridge over to him and headed for her ready room.

Well that was anticlimactic, he thought as he starred at the starfield on the screen before him. Computer consoles beeped around him.

The afternoon wore on. Toward the end of the shift, Neelix brought up a PADD with a recommendation for another party. Unfortunately, this idea actually had some merit: Naomi's birthday was coming up.

Chakotay turned the bridge over to Tuvok and approached the ready room.

"Come," she called. "Commander."

"Neelix wants to have a party," he said, handing her the PADD.

"What is it this time?" She had yet to look him in the eye.

"Naomi's birthday."

"Anything unusual in here?"

"No." He watched her as skimmed the party plan. Time to make a bold move. "Mind if I get something to drink?"

She never looked up from the PADD. "Hmmm? Oh, help yourself."

He sauntered over to the replicator and ordered a glass of water. He immediately chugged it down and recycled the glass. He wasn't really thirsty; this was all about having an excuse to move around the room. As casually as possible, he walked up behind her and place one arm on the back of her chair and the other on the desk beside her, trapping her within his arms. He leaned in near her ear and spoke in a low velvet tone, "So is there anything else you want to know?"

His breath tickled her ear as he spoke and she sat up a little straighter. "I think it's all here, Commander."

"I wasn't talking about the party." He was dangerously close. "Is there anything else you want to know about me? Because I would never deny you knowledge about me, no matter how... intimate." He watched her for a reaction but she seemed frozen in place. That's it, Kathryn, he thought, hold tight to your resolve. Even you can't maintain that death grip on your control forever.

If he hadn't been watching so carefully, his reflexes wouldn't have saved his foot from haste with which she pushed back her chair and retreated to the upper sitting area.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He leaned casually against her desk. "Belanna told me what you were talking about in the mess hall. I must say, I had no idea you be interested in that kind of information about me." He walked up behind her, mere millimeters from touching her. He imagined his aura enveloping her. She was facing the viewport and he watched their reflection in the glass. "I could tell you more, you know. Be more... specific. As a scientist, you like specifications, don't you, Captain?"

As he spoke his breath passed over her ear. He could have sworn her posture was softening, her knees were weakening.

"I don't know what--"

"Sure you do," he continued smoothly. Her reaction was egging him on. "Length, thickness, identifying characteristics, average refractory period."

In the viewport, he could see her eyes roll back in her head and close. Her lips were parted slightly. Damn, but it was sexy.

"Of course I might have to do some experimentation in order to provide that last... specification. Can't say I ever timed it before."

"Chakotay," she warned.

He knew he was playing with fire, pushing their flirting to previously unknown heights. But he wasn't about to stop. The heat just felt too good. "Then again, inspiration is such a **slippery **variable in that process. It might be **hard **to get an accurate average."

"Stop teasing," she ground out.

"Oh, but I'm not teasing, Captain. Teasing implies that I'm not willing to deliver. Believe me, I am." His blood was rushing south now and he leaned away from her just a bit. He was getting light headed -- intoxicated by the flirting -- and he was having trouble remembering exactly what he was promising to deliver. Ah, yes. Just information.

"Dismissed, Commander."

"Yes, ma'am." He headed for the exit and paused in the open doorway. "Give me a few days to gather that data for you, Captain," he said, loud enough for everyone on the bridge to hear. "I'll get you my **complete **report as soon as possible."

She whipped around to glare at him but he was already gone.


End file.
